


Steve's decision

by OldBearSoul



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post end game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:20:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24615943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OldBearSoul/pseuds/OldBearSoul
Summary: Tony survived the battle against Thanos, but not unscathed. Steve finally have the chance with him after such a long time and although everything seems to be going well, someone will offer a deal that the Captain shouldn't refuse. STONYPost End Game
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 1
Kudos: 37





	Steve's decision

I have loved, love, and always will love Tony Stark. And there is no doubt about that.

“Aah Steve...”

The room was filled with the sweet moans that came from his mouth, it was like music to my ears. No, that was more sublime than just music.

Tony was heaven to me.

"Steve."

Tony was clinging desperately to my back and his nails were digging into my skin tightly, but the pain of that was nothing compared to the pleasure that enters and leaves his body caused me.

“Tony, cum for me…”

My hand had settled between our bodies to caress him, he had thrown his head back concentrating on the pleasure that everything caused him. And I could only see how beautiful it was to have a Tony Stark under me.

I loved hearing him beg in our bed, between moans it was the only way to see that face of him that drove me crazy. Or one of its facets, because I was dying for the powerful, untouchable and sarcastic Stark that was in the day; as well as for its needy and submissive facet at night. For me, Tony was completely perfect.

It was three in the morning when he finally fell asleep in my arms, as we both liked. Sometimes, it was he who wrapped me in his arms, other times, it was me.

It took me another hour to get to sleep. His arms and scent always calmed me and helped me sleep but sometimes, like that night, some memories flooded my consciousness and just didn't disappear until after a while.

  
Thoughts of death, of loss, of torment, of the life separating me from Tony. Maybe that's why I woke him up in the middle of the night and claimed his body as mine. He didn't say anything, it wouldn't be the first time that happened. He knew that I was filled with fear of losing him, and he would kiss me until those thoughts were gone, and he would let me fuck him hard until the pleasure displaced the fear in me.

And he ... He also woke up many nights with fear. But Tony just asked me to hug him and kiss him, because he woke up too scared and feeling too vulnerable to do anything else. And I filled him with caresses and said words of support until he could go back to sleep.

Both, he and I had come out of those battles carrying horrible dreams on our backs. He used to wake up in the middle of the night when his dreams were plagued by chitauris, the deaths of those we once knew, by Pepper and the darkness.

I woke up when I dreamed him dying after Thanos' snap, when he didn't react after he fell when closing the portal that Loki once opened in New York, when he realized that I was not perfect and left my side.

My biggest nightmare was losing Tony Stark.

After everything we had faced in our lives, we were both broken and full of wounds. But Tony, my Tony, in addition to being broken inside, had a physical wound that carried like a cross.

He was blind.

  
The snap that vanish Thanos was too much for his body and, although it hadn't at least taken his life, it did with his eyesight.

When I woke up, around seven in the morning, my arm felt asleep for having done the work of pillow of my beloved.

"Beloved…" I repeated loud, kissing him before slowly getting out of bed to prepare breakfast.

It was Sunday May 29, his birthday.

I walked to the kitchen remembering what had kept me awake much of the night. Again I had the memory of the final battle.

The last battle we fought against Thanos' army was perhaps one of the bloodiest I have ever participated in. The battle lasted two days. 48 hours in which the casualties increased on both sides every minute, and that for a moment I thought we were not going to win. We lost War Machine, Wanda and Scott. T´Challa lost Okoye and a large part of his army. We lost Wong and Strange disappeared after the fight. I lost Bucky and Tony lost Pepper that day too, and I almost lost him.

We lost so many that I can't remember all of them, and sometimes I don't want to, because that makes my sleepless nights longer.

During the battle I tried to stay strong and focused on turning away the image of seeing my friends falling in front of me; but there was something that made me lose control.

I don't know how Tony managed to take the gems from Thanos and put them in his own glove. At that moment I felt a true fear, an incomprehensible terror. I was close enough to see his movement, to yell at him to stop whatever he planned to do, but not to stop him.

I knew this was our chance, if he snapped his fingers we would have won, and no one would die anymore. I was Captain America and I had to look out for the common good, but at that time, Steve Rogers knew that he could lose the love of his life.

"Steve, did I do it right?" I came out of my thoughts when Morgan showed me the whipped cream hearts she had made over Tony's pancakes. I woke her up to help me prepare a surprise birthday breakfast for her father.

At first it was very difficult for her to accept me since she accused me of wanting to usurp her mother's place. Almost a year had passed since that battle and, although I did not plan to replace Pepper, she already trusted me more and understood that I loved her father very much, and therefore, her too.

"Of course, sweetie," I replied with a smile, "it's beautiful."

Morgan knew that her father was blind, but sometimes the girl forgot Tony couldn´t see what she did. But it didn't really matter, Stark told her that he could "feel" whatever she did, and then he could "see" it. In addition, Morgan strove to detail every thing with all the precision that a girl of that age can have.

We moved into a house away from everything, which was what we needed most. I really didn't care how much the world might need me at the time, I knew Carol and Sam could help as the heroes they still were. Bruce had also decided to stay and rebuild what he could and support others. I decided to hand over the Captain America shield and be what Tony and Morgan needed at the time: just Steve.

The house was in a fairly thick forest and have only level — so Tony didn't need to use stairs — with a spacious lot around it, even more than anyone could ever need. I'd built a fence around the place to make sure Morgan didn't go too far, and Tony could go for a walk without risk of getting lost.

  
Not only was the fact of moving to a remote place the only novelty in our lives. There was another, and perhaps the most impressive of all: There was nothing in the house of the technology that once characterized Anthony Stark.

Although an AI could be an excellent assistant to the genius, he just didn't want to have it anymore and asked me to remove everything I could. Tony did not want to know about the technology that he could no longer use as before. He just wanted us to keep a television so— our — daughter could watch movies, a music players, and a phone so that I could use it case of emergency. He didn't want anything else.

I understood his reason, but I didn´t do everything he asked me. I kept some of the robots and computers that I found in the house and put them in a nearby shed. I had the idea that someday he would want to have his things around him again. It had been barely over a year since he lost his sight. But I was going to support him and try to slowly make him the man who always made me feel proud.

When we finished preparing the birthday breakfast, I heard a loud sound coming from our room. I told Morgan to stay in the kitchen and quickly ran to the room. Tony wasn't in bed and that scared me, but then I noticed that the bathroom door was open. I walked over and saw him kneeling on the floor.

"Shit," I heard him exclaim rather quietly.

“Tony, what happened?” I asked with alarm, fearing he had been injured.

"It's just ... my toothbrush fell to the floor and I was looking for it."

He didn't need say anything else, I knew he had hit the toilet bowl looking for it while he was crouched down. I approached and stood next to him.

“You don't have to help me," he said as soon as he felt my closeness, "I can alone."

I saw him continue groping on the floor, looking for the toothbrush that had fallen out. The piece of plastic was near to him, but his hand was not groping in the right direction. That always created a great emptiness in my chest, seeing him so helpless in that way always destroyed me inside. Without him noticing, I stretched my foot and moved slightly what I was looking for so that his hand could reach it.

"Aha!," he said as soon as he touched it, "do you see Rogers? I can do it by myself.”

“I never doubted that, Tony."

I smiled, even though he couldn't see me. I loved him and I loved those haughty moments that I was having more often. I helped him to his feet and this time he didn´t protest. We all have breakfast together in the kitchen. Morgan and I sang a birthday song and cut the cake that I had baked the day before.

That year there would be no birthday party for him. At least there would be no guests. Tony didn't want to, he didn't feel prepared to be surrounded by people feeling as vulnerable as he was. He hadn't told me, but I sensed it without needing to hear it from his mouth.

We spent the day together — although this was not new. — We saw the movies that Morgan liked so much, she was always in charge of narrating everything — absolutely everything — what was happening on the screen so that he could imagine it.

In the afternoon, Morgan wanted to take a walk, and although Tony always told me that he could go without my help —only helped by his cane— I was always on the lookout for anything he needed. Even in the woods he managed well enough not to trip, and Morgan and me always tried to keep up with him.

  
The ride got longer than we planned, so I carried Morgan back and, although Tony assured me he wasn't tired at all, as soon as dinner was over I saw him falling asleep on the couch with his - now our - daughter.

I took everyone to their room and finished organizing the mess we had left in the kitchen. Sometimes I was surprised myself to have gotten that family. I was immensely happy to have it. I loved Tony with my soul, and Morgan was the daughter I never thought I would have after realizing that mine weren't women. Some days I felt like a usurper, I felt like I was stealing Pepper's place, but on those occasions Tony noticed it — he was blind, but he noticed everything that was happening to me — and told me that He had loved me since we have sex at Clint's farm, and sooner or later our destiny was to be together anyway.

He loved me since that time and me, perhaps, since I met him.

The first time I saw Tony Stark, I must say that I felt a mixture between respect and restlessness. At first I thought it was a feeling of repulsion for his attitude, then I realized that his attitude always attract me, and that I fell at the millionaire's feet from the beginning. Our relationship was stormy and chaotic, and I have to admit that I am responsible for that. He always tried to get close, but the feelings I clearly had for him terrified me, and every time we were good I had to screw it up with something.

  
But where I failed most and always going to regret is what happened in Siberia. After what happened at Clint's farm we had decided that it had only been a mistake, a slip of two men who were looking for a little affection and that we would stay as friends. And I will not lie, I didn´t want to be his friend. And that influenced the stupid decision I made.

I am not the example of greatness and heroism that everyone believes, and the decision I made not to tell Tony about his parents was not only to protect my friend - as I tried to convince myself - but it was also for revenge. I felt that if I had only been a "slip" for him, he had no right to demand I tell him anything.

In Siberia I did not fight him, I fought against all the feelings I had for him. I hurt him and I regret every day, and although he tells me that it was in the past, I know that I will never forget it.

I fell asleep after midnight when I managed to stop rambling on in the past, but woke up soon when I heard something I didn't know if they were dreams or not.

“Captain…”

I opened my eyes feeling that someone was with us in the room. I quickly sat up, putting myself on guard and adjusting my sight to the dark. Tony was still sleeping. Although I didn't see anything, I decided to go out and check the house.

I checked Morgan's room and saw her sleeping peacefully. Nothing in the kitchen, nothing in the living room. There was also nothing in the small study that I had to draw. I was about to return to the room when a strange cold invaded me.

And then, at that moment, someone spoke.

"How long, Captain."

I recognized that voice immediately. I must have been dreaming, because that person was supposed to be dead.

“Loki…”

When I turned around, I saw Loki Laufeyson. But who appeared in front of my eyes seemed a different Loki than the one I had known. His face was paler, and his green eyes were dull. This Loki seemed almost ethereal. I'm not sure if my eyes failed, but it seemed to me that he was enveloped in a kind of almost translucent smoke.

Maybe I was still dreaming.

My first logical thought on seeing it was that my family was in danger.

"Take it easy, Rogers. I'm here as a friend." He said with one of his characteristic smiles.

“You're dead.”

Loki gave a little laugh and tried to get closer to me, I backed away.

“How many times do I seem to be dead? By the way, your house is very ... beautiful.”

Whether or not Loki, what he said made me more uncomfortable. He had mentioned my house, it was a potential enemy inside my house. And in that house my daughter and my partner slept helpless.

“What are you doing here?” I said in a serious tone. I had no weapon, but I knew that if he came up with a move, I wouldn't hesitate to finish it.

“Why the hostility, Captain?” He asked, pretending to be offended. "Aren't you glad to see an old partner?"

“Loki…”

The way he looked at me and smiled did not please me at all. I knew he was up to something, and that something was surely bad. Loki stepped back and walked to the sofa that was near us. I saw it better and now I can assure that the Asgardian was wrapped in a strange mist that clung to his body.

He sat down and crossed his legs under my gaze, he seemed to be enjoying this situation.

"Let me tell the truth, Captain, I am dead," he clarified, without losing his smile. “But the gods do not die as humans think. My soul is in a special limbo, along with other deities, and although I must say that it is the most boring thing I have ever experienced, they give me a tedious task. Give the saviors a gift.”

“A gift?” That certainly shocked me, I never expected anything good from Loki.

"A deal, it's more like a deal." He corrected himself as he settled himself on the sofa. "I don't know why, but they understand that both you and Stark deserve a gift for your sacrifices. The fact that you have defeated Thanos and saved Midgard has kept order in all nine kingdoms. But have one thing pending, Captain. Nothing comes free, not even rewards or gift”

I don't know if it was his words or the mocking tone in which he said them, but that sounded like he was finally showing what he really wanted.

“And why me?” I asked for. He had referred to Tony and me, but he was only showing up in my presence.

“Do the gods have to give their reasons?” He questioned, and this time he did seem offended. “Let's just say that between you and Stark, you seemed more ... altruistic. And you need to be altruistic for this deal.”

“What kind of deal?”

Loki smiled again and this time, I know that whatever he tells me will be bad enough.

"I can make those who died on the side of the humans in the battle against Thanos return."

I felt like I was hearing wrong when those words came out of his mouth. Perhaps…

"I'll give you Natasha and Bucky. Only those two. But also, I can get Stark to see again.”

Tony seeing again...

“Could he see again?” I asked without believing it. I am ashamed of what I am going to confess, but I was much more excited for Tony to get his sight back than… to bring Nat and Bucky back to life.

That proved to me again that I was not the emblem that I once proclaimed so much.

“Do you know what this is?” He said and held out his hand.

It had two stones that I would recognize anywhere: The gem of reality and time.

“How?”

"The gods, Rogers, they can do anything. These are not the same as in your reality.” Loki stood up but kept his distance from me. "I can make Stark come out unscathed at the moment of the snap and Nat's life be changed by, I don't know, maybe Wong. I won't revive him anyway. And I will ensure that at the moment of your friend's death, be replaced by another person who was destined to die anyway.”

His smile, his sarcastic smile reminded me that the fantasy he was telling me would not be free. But if my friends could come back to life, and Tony, the love of my life could see again, what would I not do to make it come true?

“What do you want of me?”

The mist that enveloped Loki grew thicker and green, and at that moment his smile grew even larger.

"You can't be with him."

“What do you mean?”

The fear that ran through me when I heard that was indescribable. He couldn't be referring to parting with Tony, could he?

"To bring Romanoff to life I will take someone else's. For Bucky's, the same. I need a change, Rogers. He will have his sight again, but for me to give him that gift, I will take his love for you. In the end, he will end up loving someone else.”

“Why can't you take the life of someone destined to die?” I asked taking a deep breath to calm myself. That was what he would do with my friends, why not with Tony?

"Because Tony is not dead." his gesture became more and more sarcastic, and he began to shake his head “its life for life in the case of your friends. But in his case, it is what he wants most: his sight, for what you want most: his love.”

I felt nauseous at the time, and I had a great need to sit down for a moment. What he was saying was too difficult to hear. Tony loving someone else? Being with someone else? It wouldn't be Pepper, Laufeyson wouldn't revive her. But if it wasn't me, then who?

  
“Who ... who would be with him?” It was not my intention to babble, but it was inevitable. Just the thought of not having him with me made my chest ache.

“Does that matter?” he asked, being visibly happy of my restlessness “He will see again, he will have a happy life. It could be Strange, maybe a stranger or Bucky. Who knows if Banner? But after all, his sight will return and he will be happy with someone else. Aren't you the great and kind Steve Rogers? He will feel nothing for you, he will have no pain, he will have nothing to worry about. You are the symbol of altruism, of self-denial. You are the symbol of heroism, Steve Rogers.”

Loki started moving around me, spinning around as I felt dizzy from everything he was saying to me. At that moment I noticed that he was floating.

“The great Captain America will not hesitate to accept this deal, to revive his friends and return the sight to his beloved, even if that implies that he will be alone. In giving a father the opportunity to see the face of his little girl again. In allowing that girl to be able to show her wedding dress to him the day she gets married. Isn't the phrase "if you are happy with another, I am also happy" true?”

The emptiness that flooded my chest had only been felt once before, and that was when I thought Stark had died from the snap that killed Thanos. Loki's offer might seem "fair," but it was killing me inside. He wasn't talking about killing anyone, but about taking away what I loved the most in life. Perhaps more than my own life, because since I met him, there was nothing in my life that did not turn around him.

The day I was informed of the death of my parents I took a deep breath and accepted it. The day I lost Bucky I tried to stay strong. When I woke up in a time that was not mine, I knew I had to do my best. Losing Natasha and Bucky against Thanos was devastating to me, but after a month of deep sadness, I started getting up mainly because Tony was leaving the hospital and he and Morgan needed me.

  
But losing him was something I was never going to recover from, and I knew it.

"Tic-tac captain, time is running. Decide now.”

But what about Tony? He deserved that, giving him a chance to see again was the least I could do for him. He was the hero that we all needed many times, he was better than all of us together. I loved him, and I was willing to make him fully recover and that even with his disability he could get his life back. But that would never be the same compared to seeing again... And I swear it was sad to realize that I never thought about the possibility of seeing Natasha or Bucky.

"This is your last second captain," said the Asgardian, getting quite close to me, "decide.”

What would be my decision? Could I be so selfish to not let him go and condemn him to a life of darkness? It would be too selfish not to allow that, not only for him, but also for Morgan. I was really happy with them, but they could live better without me if I accepted that deal.

Loki's gaze sharpened as I clenched my fists, and taking a deep breath I made my decision.

"I ..." That was going to kill me, "I don't accept."

Loki laughed, his laughter was so high and shrill that I was afraid Tony would wake up. He seemed to be genuinely enjoying all of this. The feeling that overwhelmed me I can describe as the biggest guilt I ever felt, but even if he asked me again my decision, I would say the same.

“I knew it! I was sure that under that disguise of perfection was hiding a selfish and greedy man. I hope you can live with your decision, Captain.”

Loki vanished into the mist and I left alone in the middle of that room that for some reason seemed tiny and suffocating. What had I done?

  
I felt a tightness in my chest and suddenly the air began to lack. I opened my mouth to breathe harder as my chest pain increased and I realized I was having a panic attack. I controlled myself as best I could, feeling useless and the worst scum on earth. I took a deep breath and headed towards the room feeling an indescribable need to hug Tony.

Every step I took was difficult, heavy, and stressful. And I knew it was that way because I was carrying the weight of my conscience. I tried not to make noise while lying down on the bed, but it seemed that he was awake and spoke as soon as I was beside him.

“Where have you been?” His voice broke me even more than i already was. In the darkness of the night I could distinguish his face and his eyes ... those eyes that had no light, and that cause of me would never have it again.

"I ... I just couldn't sleep. I went out to get some air.”

“Another nightmare? He asked in a worried tone as he approached me to hug me. "Yes," I answered his question, feeling even more miserable for lying to him, "it was a nightmare.”

Tony said nothing, just deepened the hug we were in, and I could only sink my nose into his hair, and inhale the scent he loved so much: his scent.

  
"Today was a beautiful birthday," he said quietly. “Thank you”

It was nothing, you deserve more."

And he deserved more. He deserved someone with the courage to have accepted Loki's deal, to have given absolutely everything for him. Because I could die for him, I could follow him to the end of the world, be his slave if he wanted to. But I couldn't give up his love.

“You know? Rogers, at the end of the day, always makes me happy to know that you stayed by my side. I never thought I would be so lucky."

“It couldn't be any other way, Tony."

"Of course I am, I am a destroyed man, in every way. I am blind, I am a burden to you.”

Every word he said was an arrow stuck in my chest. I was the burden to him, who could not live without him at all. And I had demonstrated it with my selfish decision.

“Tony ... I'm the one who's lucky to have you."

I still remember how long it took to convince him that I would not leave his side, which I did not care about his disability. That I loved him no matter how he was.

"Don't be a liar, Rogers. Before I went blind, before the snap, I saw you. As beautiful as always. And my hands, when they slide on your face, only find perfection. You could be with whoever you want.

"But I love you. And to me, you are perfect”.

  
I wanted him to be quiet, to stop talking. He had me on a pedestal and I didn't deserve it, not after what I had done. I had stolen his chance to see again, to be happy again.

"Sometimes I don't think so, sometimes I don't understand how a person like you stayed with someone like me." He said

I had to silence him with a kiss, because his words were burning inside me. After a while he fell asleep, but my conscience wouldn't let me sleep. I had no remorse, knowing that if Loki returned, my decision would be the same. Maybe that guilt I felt would go away someday, I don't know.

What I am sure of is that even his words killed me, even though my chest was filled with a void of guilt and even though the memory of my decision did not let me sleep, I would never let Tony Stark leave my side.

And there is no doubt about that.


End file.
